Date: Fri, 15 Nov 2002 14:15:43 +0100
From: "K. Versteeg" <lowfer@wanadoo.nl>
To: rsgb_lf_group@blacksheep.org
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Subject: LF: Homebrew'd Radio Projects  [Humor]
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Subject: Big Wally's Secrets of Homebrew'd Radio Projects
 
One think i learned in high-school: the fast cars won the quarters on the strip.  
The pretty cars won the dates!  Remember and take heart, oh ye of little skill.

Even though you can't even successfully snap in a 9v battery, and none of your xtal sets work,
You can still impress your BA friends with your projects by the simple inclusion of the following:

HRO Dial: a must for this op, who has a hand fulla thumbs. 
No matter how lousey and instable your wobbulator might be, this'll cure it.
Remember, it's not performance, it's the look.  
Can't locate the dial and PW box?  Go for an Eddystone slide rule on Ebay.  
Whatever that baby is bolted to has gotta work great!  
Even if it's . . . .  nothing!

Fluted knobs with skirts.  
Yeah, whatever they connect to is the essence of function !  
Everyone'll know you got skill and class.

Triplett metering.  
Gotta have those babies.  
None of those Radio Shed japaneeze things.  
In a pinch, Weston will do.  Maybe a rheostat and a penlight cell just to make 'em move. 
Ooops, dang, that's a separate project.  Sorry.

Black or Grey wrinkle finish front panel.  
Not matter how vacuous the insides might really be, the OTers will always tell you
"they don't make 'em like THAT anymore!"

Toggle Switches!  Lots.  String 'em along the bottom of the front panel.  
Make sure they're shiney.  
Nothing like efficient switching of . . .  uh . . . . circuit things.

Muffin Fan.  Now, that ain't real boatanchory, but you can hide it.
It's the sound yer after!  Ever turn on a rig, and hear that fan crank up?  
Didn't something inside of you say "Whoa!!"  ??

At least one 807 or an 811a with a storage battery. 
The idea is to make it glow.  
It would help if you had a ceramic plate cap and some real thick wire wrapped around it attached.
Later, you can upgrade it by putting a resistor with a few turns of wire around it between the cap
and real thick wire.  Make sure wire goes thru a hole in the chassis.

Big ol' transformer.  
Just punch a hole for the wires, and bolt 'er on!  
This is what keeps boatanchors from floatin', y'know!

Big variable capacitors.  
Very impressive when you lift the lid or look 
behind that black wrinkle finished front panel they don't make anymore.
Might even consider connecting that variable to the HRO or Eddystone
dial so that it turns.  Really retro, there.

Coils! Coils! Coils!  Like the Elvis movie.
Thick cotton covered power line with double fused Johnson wall plug.
Make sure the part of the line that doesn't have the plug on it isn't touching anything,
or that the wires aren't touching each other.  Hey, safety first!

Pepper the table it's sitting on with knife switches, old QSTs, a globe, and it helps to have a pipe 
cradled in a glass ashtray somewhere in view.
Get that old log-book too! No log book?  Use an accounting ledger.
Borrow your kid's stereo headphones.  Just for effect.

Gotta Key?  Hey, gotta Bug?  Even if you don't know a dit from an armpit, just park it there.  
Most folks won't notice there's no wire connecting it anywhere.  
Let me ask you: did you notice that the Monkees never seemed to have their guitars plugged into anything?
Hah--- gotcha!

D-104's might be an alternative, but your visitor might wonder what channel you modjitate on.
Now, just guide your visitor in for a brief few minutes.  Remember . .
you have to tune it up, yet, so (ahem) it's not in line, yet.  
That's why you have that broken oscilloscope sitting there. 
Make sure the light is kinda dim, maybe a small desk-lamp.
Turn it on, hear the fan, see the tubes glow, and shut 'er down before ya hurts somebody.

**Whew!**  Sure is a lot to this Homebrew stuff!

   73  Ko Versteeg, NL9222  [SWL]  
   [Grid: JO22KE - Lat: 520 12' 15.0"N  Long: 040 51' 40.5"E]
   
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